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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26502085">we can dance (a little more)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mireailles/pseuds/mireailles'>mireailles</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon-Typical Violence, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 12:56:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,539</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26502085</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mireailles/pseuds/mireailles</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Loose sequel to Pale Shadows. He counts the days now based on the steady stream of letters Eren gives Falco to mail.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Reiner Braun/Eren Yeager</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>79</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This ended up becoming ridiculously longer than expected. It's basically tied together with all sorts of weird headcanons I have for the Warriors. I will probably drop a playlist for this. Italics is lyrics from Ritual's Josephine. Er, there's a lot of flashbacks that I tried to weave into the narrative without breaking the flow, hopefully it's not confusing.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> I knew I had tasted love, the first sip always makes you choke. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He counts the days now based on the steady stream of letters Eren gives to Falco to mail.</p>
<p>It starts off heavy, with it being almost a daily occurrence, seeing Falco slip the envelope in the postbox just outside. Then, as if the wound's mostly stauched itself, Falco’s visits to the postbox wanes, occurring only once a week at most.</p>
<p>He’s completely cut off from Eren now, the last few days after he’s brutalized Eren-- Eren comes back for more the following two nights and then Reiner fails to answer the door the nights afterwards. Now, he’s sitting up in his bed, fingers intertwined, hunched over himself, didn’t even bother to change out of his uniform, boots and all. There’s a knock on the door. Reiner gets up, opens it and lets Eren limp into his room.</p>
<p>He shuts the door. “You have to stop this. I saw Falco mailing two letters.”</p>
<p>Eren settles in the corner of the room, half his face veiled in shadow. There’s a slant of moonlight from the window that illuminates the other half of his face. He smiles. “Are you angry? Do you want to hit me for it?” </p>
<p>Reiner clenches his fist. “Just stop with the letters.”</p>
<p>Eren’s always been a creature of violence, whether he’s inflicting it on other people or himself. Now, he’s mostly settled with asking other people to do it for him, and Reiner suspects it’s because he can’t blow his cover--can’t hit or gnash his teeth at anyone and it’s probably why he’s contacted Reiner in the first place.</p>
<p>Reiner gives in the first night but for the others, Eren just sits there as if waiting for Reiner to start and Reiner sits on his bed. They’re staring each other down, neither one saying anything.The last night Reiner lets him in, Eren sits in the exact same spot he’s sitting in now.</p>
<p>Reiner breathes heavily on the bed.</p>
<p>Eren turns his head, looking away from Reiner. “Don’t you want to do anything?”</p>
<p>“How do you keep coming here without anyone noticing?”</p>
<p>Eren sighs, shrugs his shoulders. “My roommate is an addict. I pay him with leftover pills to keep quiet.”</p>
<p>He doesn’t tell Reiner how hopeless his roommate is. </p>
<p>He doesn’t tell him that he once caught his roommate stealing the pills on his bedside. He lets it slide the first few times the man does it and then, one night, his hand shoots out from underneath the covers and grabs the man’s arm. The man looks at him, panicked, hands shaking. </p>
<p>They reach an agreement after that and when Eren sneaks out that night, he shakes the bottled pills in front of the man, as he always does. The man’s eyes widen, just today his family’s stopped visiting him and he doesn’t even seem to be aware of it. But now, in the dark, his eyes are wide and he lunges at Eren.</p>
<p>Eren, with his free hand not balanced on the crutch, pulls it further away from his body. </p>
<p>“I have to go out,” Eren says. “I need you to keep quiet, can you do that?”</p>
<p>The man, now uncomfortably close to Eren, reaching for the bottle in Eren’s hand nods frantically.</p>
<p>“Good,” Eren says.</p>
<p>He tosses the bottle to the ground and it explodes on the floor, the pills spilling everywhere. The man turns around and jumps on the spill, grabbing at them like some kind of wild animal. Eren slips out.</p>
<p>“Of course,” Reiner says, running a hand through his hair.</p>
<p>“I don’t give him the heavy stuff, if you’re worried. All I get is painkillers, I give him the weaker ones and some candy Falco’s given me.”</p>
<p>Reiner breathes out, heavy through his nostrils. “I think we should stop.”</p>
<p>Eren’s silent for a moment, he grips his crutch, leaned up against the wall, tightly. His hair falls all over his face as he leans down, then, just as quickly, he picks himself back up, hand still on the crutch. He licks his lips and smiles.  </p>
<p>“Did I ever tell you?” Eren asks, face hidden in shadow. “That I ate Annie?”</p>
<p>Reiner looks up.</p>
<p>“It’s true, when I fought with Bertholdt, I used her hardening ability.”</p>
<p>Reiner laughs, harsh and bitter. “Is that all? I killed your mother, Marco and Ymir. I’ll probably go back and finish off Connie’s mom too.”</p>
<p>“Leave Connie out of this.”</p>
<p>“Then don’t talk about Annie.”</p>
<p>They don't talk after that. Maybe, a part of him realizes that Eren's not interested in talking, in forming a connection that has no violence in it, why would he, when all his friends want to do is talk and talk and talk, like the enemy will suddenly see them as equals. But Reiner's different, in a sea full of people who are both familiar and unfamiliar to him at once, he craves intimacy, the likes of which Porco, Pieck and even Colt can't satiate. A kindred spirit to empty himself on to.</p>
<p>"The letters," Reiner tries again. "Please."</p>
<p>"I'm not gonna stop, you know that," Eren says. "They're important."</p>
<p>"Then have someone else mail them, why involve Falco at all?"</p>
<p>"I didn't mean for it to happen, he just came up to me," Eren says, he starts listing things off on his fingers. "Here's what you can do: You give me what I've asked for and maybe the letters will stop for a while, or you let me leave without anything and nothing changes. It's up to you, Reiner."</p>
<p>Reiner is silent and Eren, deciding he’s had enough for one night, pulls himself up from off the ground. He’s near the door when Reiner moves. His hands shaking as he’s opening his nightstand drawer. The knife gleams back at him, he picks it up. Walking briskly over to Eren hunched over on his crutch. He raises the blade and stabs Eren square in the shoulder. Eren grunts and Reiner doesn’t bother to pull it out, just leaves it there, stepping back. Eren, with an unsettling calmness, grasps the knife and pulls it out. He tosses it to the floor, where it bounces off the wood, little flecks of his blood everywhere the blade touches.</p>
<p>“You got what you wanted, right?” Reiner says.</p>
<p>And before Eren can respond Reiner grabs him by the collar. They’re both stumbling around, Eren’s crutch falls onto the floor. Reiner barely registers it, he slams him into the wall next to the window. Then, he grabs Eren’s neck in both his hands. Eren stares, expression unreadable. Reiner squeezes and Eren starts to make gagging noises. He tightens his grip, watching Eren turn blue and his eyes roll back in his head. He breathes out heavily and lets go of Eren, who crumples to the floor. Reiner’s barely aware that he’s somehow managed to lift Eren a couple of inches from the floor just moments before.</p>
<p>He walks over and tosses Eren his crutch. It clatters right next to him, he’s managed to get into a sitting position, rubbing his throat. The fabric near his injured shoulder soaking through. He reaches for the crutch.</p>
<p>Reiner’s foot comes down on it. “The letters,” he says, sternly.</p>
<p>“Of course,” Eren says, head bent down, hair pooling all around him.</p>
<p>He raises his foot off the crutch. “Good.”</p>
<p>He turns his back towards Eren. Out of the corner of his eye, he watches Eren fumble around, trying to balance himself. He hisses as he leans his weight on the crutch, shoulder bleeding out. He’s practically limping over to the door and Reiner hears as Eren opens and closes it. </p>
<p>Reiner scrubs his face. He moves over to the window and stares down at the city, trying to avoid his reflection. His apartment has a nice view, that’s mostly why Reiner’s picked it. Square in the middle of his field of vision is a streetlight where, sometimes, he sees people passing by. Now, there’s a lone figure, leaning against it, one hand shielding his eyes as if there’s a glare. Reiner tilts his head and it takes him a second to realize the figure’s staring straight up at his window. The figure’s eyes widen as he lowers his hand and Reiner has to take a step back as Colt’s mouth hangs open, like he’s been caught.</p>
<p>He picks himself up and starts sprinting in the direction of his and Falco’s house. Reiner staggers away from the window, his foot touching something hard. He looks down and sees the knife on the floor. He picks it up and washes it off in the basin. Then he wets a rag and starts mopping up the tiny flecks on blood on the floor.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Just as he’s suspected, Colt is fidgety around him, like a rabbit in the company of a wolf.</p>
<p>Every movement from Reiner, Colt looks away or flinches like someone’s fired a gun right next to him. Reiner’s not any better. He scrunches up papers in his hands. He writes and re-writes phrases. Porco stares between the two of them, his chin cupped in his palm. He rolls his eyes and Magath hits his side of the table with a rod, telling Porco to focus. And Porco scowls venomously, staring directly at Reiner as though he’s made him lose his concentration, even though Porco always loudly complains about meetings. </p>
<p>The meeting ends and Reiner lingers by the doorway as Porco shoves past him. Colt moves shyly and Reiner grabs him by the arm, pulling him down a corridor. They don’t talk, walking until he finds an abandoned corner where they’re all alone. Colt looks around and when Reiner tells him they’re alone, he clears his throat.</p>
<p>“I want you to know, I understand your predicament.” He has his eyes to the floor as he’s saying this (and Reiner wonders if he’s practiced this speech in the mirror as soon as he’s gotten home), cheeks flushed. “You’ve been through a lot and I-.”</p>
<p>“Colt, out with it,” Reiner barks. “Didn’t Zeke tell you the same thing?”</p>
<p>“Right,” he says, the red on his face deepening. “I can understand why you’ve, well, hired someone for company.”</p>
<p>He looks up at Reiner then and Reiner has to take a step back.</p>
<p>The concept of sexual intimacy isn't foreign to Reiner.</p>
<p>He's far from a virgin especially since his years in Paradis. He's wet his nose in more than a few naive, younger trainees, all boys, he’s never really had eyes for any of the girls. None of which Reiner knew intimately, most were onlookers, staring at him from a distance, admiring his jovial nature and brute strength.</p>
<p>Once, Annie catches him with one. The boy quickly scrambles up from the ground, pulling up his pants and scurrying like he's been caught doing something he shouldn't be. Annie's expression darkens. Bertholdt's holding up his hands before she can advance. Bertholdt practically begs her to stay silent and she shakes her head as if that’s the farthest thing from her mind right now.</p>
<p>"Do you know what it's like watching you--or maybe I should say, Reiner?"</p>
<p>"Annie," Bertholdt says.</p>
<p>"It's like watching someone pour oil all over themselves and waiting for someone to strike a match on them."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Reiner opens his mouth, closes it and swallows.</p>
<p>“I want you to know, your secret’s safe with me.” Colt says, clearly. “I won’t tell a soul. And um--she looked beautiful.”</p>
<p>Reiner grabs Colt by his collar, slamming him into the wall. “How much did you see?”</p>
<p>“I-” Colt says, putting his hands up, eyes wild. “I didn’t see anything, I swear. I just--I thought I saw a woman with long hair in your window, that’s all.”</p>
<p>“But you didn’t see anyone leaving, right?”</p>
<p>“No? I didn’t see anything other than that. I swear.”</p>
<p>“Good,” Reiner says as he’s lowering Colt. “Good, keep it that way.”</p>
<p>Colt backs off when released from Reiner’s grip, running in the direction of the offices, leaving Reiner all alone. Reiner puts his hands on the back of his head, hunches over. He breathes, in and out like he’s run too many laps. He doesn’t know how long he lingers there, light filtering through the large windows. He stands up, walks away like nothing happened -- and maybe nothing did, Colt knows nothing. Eren may not visit tonight, but most likely he will, even when Reiner doesn’t answer the door, he always knocks and waits.</p>
<p>He passes by the mail box on his way home, tries to be as inconspicuous as possible as he hovers around it. He waits for an hour and when Falco doesn't come running down the street (envelope in hand), he knows Eren's kept up his end of the bargain for now at least. He turns and walks away, to the direction of his apartment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He strips off until he’s in his vest, feeling unbearably hot.  </p>
<p>There’s still a few hours until Eren’s visit. The sunset bleeding through his thin curtains, he’s closed them now, knowing better. He sits on his bed, presses the palm of his hand with his thumb. His boots are in one corner of the room, he’s thought about stripping off his pants but decides against it. So he sits, the mattress shifting under his weight. His apartment unbearably empty. Once, when he was in a better mood, he’s thought about plants, one at the window sill or another in the corner of the room. Next to the door, so he has something to see when he comes in. How long ago that seems.</p>
<p>He sits still like a statue, watching dusk turn into twilight. </p>
<p>Eren doesn’t appear. Reiner waits up until the early morning hours, sighs heavily, then slides under the covers. Falco, Gabi, Udo and Zofia are running laps in the courtyard when he reaches the compound early in the morning, bleary he notices Porco and Pieck lingering beside the track. He watches as Falco starts to sway. He stops, walks to the middle of the field and plops himself down, starts pulling at the grass. Porco's on him before Pieck can say anything and Reiner jogs so that he’s beside Pieck, watching it all unfold.</p>
<p>He bends down, hands on his knees. "Falco, are you sick?"</p>
<p>Falco ducks his head down. "No."</p>
<p>"Then what are you doing? You know Magath gives extra laps if he catches you slacking off, right?"</p>
<p>This seems to set Falco off. "I know," he says voice low.</p>
<p>"C'mon, get up," Porco says, nodding towards Gabi. "Look Gabi's gonna beat you."</p>
<p>"Fine," Falco snaps, tossing the loose blades of grass on the ground.</p>
<p>He picks himself back up, joining Udo and Zofia. </p>
<p>"Falco," Porco calls out. "Don't give me attitude. I was just trying to help."</p>
<p>Pieck puts a hand on Reiner's shoulder, back turned. She bites her finger, trying to stifle a laugh.</p>
<p>Porco’s fuming as they’re walking down the halls and everytime Pieck catches his eye, she starts laughing uncontrollably. Reiner’s somehow found himself in the middle of the argument with Porco on one side and Pieck on the other. Pieck stops, laughing too hard. She doubles over, clutching her stomach. Loose strands of hair coming out of her ponytail falling over her face and Reiner looks away. He has to look away because if he doesn’t--it’ll be like staring at Eren, bent down, bleeding from the shoulder. He covers his mouth, picks up the pace as Porco tells her to stop laughing. </p>
<p>The feud doesn’t end in the hallway, like it usually does. </p>
<p>Pieck sits in her usual spot, while Porco walks around the room, avoiding Pieck and sitting right next to Reiner.</p>
<p>Reiner grunts. “Is your pride really that wounded?”</p>
<p>“Stay out of this,” he says, eyes focused on his paper.</p>
<p>It's only Magath with them this time. He runs in a little late and says something about laps. He's opening up a folder when someone pokes their head in. They don't have an armband, at least not that Reiner can see. Magath walks to the corner of the room, right next to the door.</p>
<p>The stranger closes it and they start whispering to each other.</p>
<p>"Yes, I know," Magath murmurs. "I'll keep an eye on it."</p>
<p>Pieck raises an eyebrow. The mirth in her face, gone. Porco pales too. Reiner starts tapping the desk with his fingers. Keeping an eye on it has different meanings in the military, but when you’re wearing an armband, it usually means trouble. The type of trouble that’s a one-way ticket to Paradis. The kind of trouble where you’re rewarded with falling out of an airplane, half-drugged and transforming into a Titan long before you hit the ground. That kind of trouble.</p>
<p>She pulls a loose piece of paper and starts scribbling on it and then she flashes it to Porco, on the opposite side of the room.</p>
<p>'Falco?'</p>
<p>Porco shrugs, pulling out his own sheet, their fight completely forgotten. 'Dunno.'</p>
<p>'Who else?'</p>
<p>'Heard Gabi shoved the butt of a gun on an adult soldier in training.'</p>
<p>Reiner winces as soon he reads the words, before Porco holds it up for Pieck to read.</p>
<p>'Really?' she writes down, then continues on another note, ‘heard Udo swearing a few days ago. Probably not gonna get him in trouble.'</p>
<p>Porco taps his pen on his lips. 'Colt was acting funny yesterday.'</p>
<p>Reiner's eyes widen as he reads it over Porco's shoulder.</p>
<p>'What happened?'</p>
<p>Porco's writing down his response when Reiner grabs his arm, fingers squeezing lightly on his bicep. Porco looks up, anger flashing and then it dissipates when they all hear the door opening. Pieck slides her papers underneath the blank ones and Porco shuffles his around, until it's tidy and neat. An empty sheet on the top, he rubs the back of his neck. Pieck pulls at her ponytail.</p>
<p>"Right," Magath says. "Sorry about all that."</p>
<p>"No, it's alright," Pieck says.</p>
<p>"Yeah, it's cool," Porco says, still rubbing his neck.</p>
<p>Pieck and Porco disappear after the meeting but he finds them near a garbage bin tearing up the papers. It’s a discreet location, one that’s in a corner far away from any other rooms or windows. He has to give them credit, they know how and where to hide their information. He takes off to the plaza near the hospice, and when he gets to the corner of the street, he sits down on the empty bench, waiting for Falco to appear.</p>
<p>He takes a few glances towards it but doesn’t really see anything. A flash of blond hair greased back catches his eyes and they widen as he sees Porco coming down the street. Hands in his pocket, he turns his head from right to left frantically as if searching for someone. </p>
<p>Reiner gets up from his spot on the bench. Porco’s still weaving through the crowd of people when Reiner marches up to him. He pushes past people, watching Porco half-turned to go in another direction. Porco pauses when he spots Reiner coming up to him. </p>
<p>“Hey Reiner,” Porco says, hands still in his pockets. “Have you seen Falco? I wanna apologize to him.”</p>
<p>“No, I haven’t seen him. Why would he be here?”</p>
<p>Porco shrugs, gets on his tiptoes as if trying to look for Falco over Reiner’s shoulder. “Dunno, this is where Zofia and Udo said he went, but I can’t find him.”</p>
<p>Reiner takes a step forward and for a brief second, the color drains from Porco’s face. “You should go, aren’t your parents expecting you back home?”</p>
<p>Porco takes a step back. “Not until sunset, what’s your problem?”</p>
<p>He grabs Porco’s arm. “Leave now, you can resolve this tomorrow.”</p>
<p>Porco pulls his arm out of Reiner’s grip. “Fine whatever, if you see him let him know I just wanted to apologize, that’s all.”</p>
<p>Porco turns his heel and leaves in the direction of his house to the right. Reiner breathes out hard, his shoulders sag. He hears someone running down the street behind him. He turns around, spots Falco immediately. Unlike Reiner, Falco doesn’t take notice of Reiner, just to his left. He has his hands on his knees, panting. He scrubs his face in frustration then runs down the street, towards an alleyway. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>For the second night, Eren doesn’t appear.</p>
<p>Reiner knows better than to expect him. It’s odd for Eren to simply just drop contact with Reiner and then to upset Falco. He turns so that he’s facing away from the window, curtains still closed tight. Morning comes and Reiner has to get ready for some drills they’re running on their Titan forms. Colt will be watching to get a feel, Zeke was supposed to be there too but he’s managed to evade the whole thing, for whatever reason.</p>
<p>Drills are usually done in the training yard and by midday, Porco, Pieck and him are sweating like a bunch of dogs for the entertainment of a couple of high ranking commanders debating whether or not to disband the program. Reiner’s mostly to blame for it, having returned with nothing to show for, just failures and a stray Titan named Ymir. </p>
<p>Magath claps his hands. “You put on an excellent show for the men.”</p>
<p>“But was it enough?” Porco asks.</p>
<p>“We’ll get to that later, Galliard.”</p>
<p>He leaves them alone, just Reiner, Porco, Pieck and Colt. They’re all looking disheveled. Over the course of the drills, Porco discards his jacket first, then his shirt and then the vest that he usually wears under his shirt. He’s got his hands on his knees, completely shirtless, sweat beading down his back. Pieck’s only taken off her jacket, slumped over. Reiner’s stripped down to his vest, bent over.</p>
<p>“Hey Colt,” Porco pants out. “Where does your brother disappear to when he’s dismissed?”</p>
<p>Colt tilts his head. “He usually goes to Udo’s house, why?”</p>
<p>Porco shakes his head. “He wasn’t with Udo or Zofia when I caught up to them.”</p>
<p>“What?” Colt says, it comes out almost like a shout.</p>
<p>His eyes widen and Porco seems to react to the fear in them, eyes downcast now. “I’m sure it’s fine, I just wanted to apologize to him, that’s all.”</p>
<p>“What happened?” Colt asks.</p>
<p>Porco shakes his head. “It’s nothing, he just gave me a little attitude yesterday, I mean I probably pissed him off, so.”</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry,” Colt says, putting a hand out. “I’ll make sure he apologizes.”</p>
<p>“No it’s fine, Colt. What are you his mother? Don’t worry about it--it’s nothing.”</p>
<p>Colt looks like he’s about to say something else when Magath jogs up to them and pulls him away.</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>"It was Falco," Pieck says when Colt’s a good distance away.</p>
<p>She's bent over, panting. Reaching up, she loosens her hair tie and her ponytail slips off. Hair masking her pale face. Reiner swallows hard, looks away.</p>
<p>"How do you figure?" Porco says breathing heavily.</p>
<p>"Didn't you hear how Colt sounded just now?" she says. "It's definitely Falco."</p>
<p>Porco shakes his head. "So? Marcel used to be on me if I didn't salute properly. Colt's the same way."</p>
<p>Reiner grunts. "You two shouldn't be gossiping like this."</p>
<p>"Fuck you, Reiner," Porco says.</p>
<p>Reiner rolls his eyes. "Put your damn shirt back on, Porco. And Pieck, stand up straight. People are watching, you can't slouch like that."</p>
<p>"Leave her alone, Reiner," Porco spits out. "Y'know, you've been acting pretty funny too, who's to say you're not the one getting canned?"</p>
<p>"I put in my time and service," Reiner says. "If you want to keep gossiping and slouching, you're more than welcome to do that, you'll just be slouching with your hands tied up and a Titan to gobble you whole."</p>
<p>He catches the look on Pieck’s face before she rises up, hair blowing wildly in the wind and has to brace himself. “Oh no Reiner,” she says, a look of mock horror on her face. “What are you gonna do? Are you gonna report me?”</p>
<p>Porco snickers. “Yeah, are you?”</p>
<p>“No,” he says.</p>
<p>Porco snorts and Pieck smiles one of her lazy grins like she’s not really sure what happened. </p>
<p>They both end up leaving the training yard together, still gossiping and exchanging glances at Reiner behind them every once in a while. Porco with his shirt back on but his jacket slung over his shoulder. Pieck still looking like a mess, hair untied and jacket draped over her arm. She’s mostly leaning on Porco for support now, excessive use of her Titan makes her legs give out. Reiner takes his time, putting his shirt and jacket back on when Magath catches up to him. </p>
<p>“Braun.” He’s out of breath when he reaches up to him. “I’m glad I caught up to you.”</p>
<p>“Sir?” he says pausing as he’s buttoning his shirt.</p>
<p>“I meant to ask you earlier, would you be willing to talk to Falco?” Magath says. “The higher ups haven’t been happy with his performance and well--I’ve been trying to keep him in their good graces.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean?”</p>
<p>Magath waves his hand. “He’s been a little moody lately. I was hoping it’d pass but I think he needs someone to talk to him. Someone older, now I don’t think I’d be the right person and I’m not sure if Zeke would know what to say but maybe you could. He’s in the courtyard right now.”</p>
<p>He grabs Reiner's hand before Reiner can say anything and drags him into one of the jeeps parked outside. They reach the compound within a half hour. Gabi, Zofia and Udo are doing stretches and Gabi stops to wave at Reiner when he passes by. Magath takes him to a small grove where there are some trees shading the area. He stops, nods in the direction further down, then walks back the way they came.</p>
<p>He walks down a little further in and finds Falco, sprawled out on the field, next to a bench. Reiner takes a seat on it, leans over so he can get a closer look at Falco. He's spread out like a starfish. It reminds Reiner of the time when him and Bertholdt find a baby bird fallen from it's nest. They did drills in the woods. Annie, as always, leaves both him and Bertholdt in the dust. Bertholdt's lagging behind and Reiner barely notices when he stops and bends over something.</p>
<p>It's only when Porco and Marcel catch up that Reiner stops. Porco slams right into Bertholdt and Bertholdt almost falls over.</p>
<p>"Watch where you're going," Porco snaps.</p>
<p>"I-sorry."</p>
<p>Reiner backtracks and spots an ugly pink thing, looking like a worm off to the side. It's a baby bird, breathing heavily. Head stretched out on the ground, completely blind and deathly silent. If it wasn't breathing, Reiner would've thought it already dead.</p>
<p>"Should we do something?" Bertholdt asks.</p>
<p>"What are you talking about?" Porco says.</p>
<p>He doesn't wait for an answer, instead he picks himself back up and rounds the trail. Marcel comes puffing after, stopping to take a look at Reiner and Bertholdt stooping down right next to the bird. </p>
<p>“What are you guys doing?” he asks.</p>
<p>“This bird is injured,” Bertholdt says.</p>
<p>“Oh, is that all?”</p>
<p>“What do we do?” Reiner asks.</p>
<p>Marcel’s eyes move from Reiner to the bird to Porco’s disappearing form as if conflicted. He ends up sighing, shaking his head. “Just leave it,” he says with finality. “Honestly you guys get too caught up on stuff you can’t fix.”</p>
<p>Reiner rubs his temples, clears his throat but Falco doesn’t move. “Something happen?”</p>
<p>He’s about to shift over, closer to Falco when Falco responds: “No.”</p>
<p>Reiner sighs, gets up from the bench and crouches down like they’re sharing a secret. “Is it Kruger?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Falco says, sitting up abruptly and looking up at Reiner.</p>
<p>“Okay, what happened? Did he say anything to you?”</p>
<p>Falco shakes his head, eyes focused on something in the distance. “No, he just disappeared.”</p>
<p>Reiner breathes out, feeling light-headed. “Is that all?” he says, trying not to sound relieved.</p>
<p>“It's just--it doesn't seem like him to just disappear without saying anything,” he says, pulling at the grass.</p>
<p>In all the years Reiner's known Eren, he's simply not one to quietly fade away. “No,” Reiner says. “I suppose not.”</p>
<p>“I hope he’s okay,” Falco says, softly.</p>
<p>Reiner puts a hand on Falco’s shoulder. “You shouldn’t worry, Kruger sounded like he’s been through a lot. He could just be inside, resting. Focus on yourself, Falco. You want to beat Gabi, don’t you?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Falco says, looking more determined than he has for the past few days. “I do.”</p>
<p>Reiner drops his hand from his shoulder and Falco gets up and starts jogging back to the compound where Gabi and the others were doing stretches just moments ago. He shifts, puts his hand out on the ground, moist until he’s on his back staring up at the leaves on the trees, letting the wind brush against his face. He puts both of his hands on his stomach, intertwines his fingers together.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There’s a knock on his door close to midnight.</p>
<p>Reiner squeezes his eyes shut, in his vest and boxers. He didn’t bother to tail Falco in the evening, a mistake, looking back on it. He shuffles over to the door, and there, waiting in the threshold is Eren, leaning on his crutch. He looks up at Reiner, grinning like a cat that’s caught a bird in it’s teeth, coming home triumphantly. </p>
<p>He leans against a corner, crutch still by his side. </p>
<p>"What the hell happened?" Reiner asks, closing the door.</p>
<p>"I was put on watch."</p>
<p>"Why didn't you heal your damn shoulder?"</p>
<p>"I thought about it but it'd be too much of a hassle to try and wash off the blood so I left it there." He looks up, flashing a sinister grin. "I want to thank you Reiner, I got rid of one of the nurses."</p>
<p>"What did you do?"</p>
<p>"Just acted like I was insane in solitary, she lost her temper--and her job. She was starting to get too nosy. I had to get rid of her."</p>
<p>“And Falco?”</p>
<p>Eren tilts his head. “Oh, I met him today. Told him I was given permission to visit my family for a day or so.”</p>
<p>He doesn’t wait for Eren to finish, crossing the room and pressing his lips hard against Eren’s own. It only takes a millisecond before Eren opens his mouth and lets Reiner explore it with his tongue. Reiner’s beard scratching against Eren’s face. He presses his fingers on Eren’s face and when he disentangles himself, he’s out of breath.</p>
<p>“C’mon,” Eren says, voice hollow. He walks over to Reiner’s drawer and takes out the knife, tossing it to Reiner. “Let me take off my shirt first, then you can have your way.”</p>
<p>Reiner catches the knife, the one that he keeps by his bedside when alcohol doesn’t blot out the pain. In case the sadness gets to unbearable and living means getting up on sleepless nights feeling empty. He stares at the knife, glinting in his hand, swallows hard. Eren drops his coat and then unbuttons his shirt. He looks over his shoulder, sees Reiner just staring blankly at the knife. </p>
<p>He marches over to Reiner, takes Reiner’s hand. “Like this,” he says.</p>
<p>He moves the blade so that it’s hovering over his abdomen and forces it in and Reiner makes a choking sound. Eren pushes it deeper, panting and grunting at the pain.</p>
<p>“Will you be able to heal this?” he asks.</p>
<p>Eren nods, still pushing the blade deeper. “Yeah, I’ve cut off a leg after all, this is nothing.”</p>
<p>When it’s enough, he pulls it out for Reiner. Reiner stares at the knife now, covered in blood and on his fingers too. Eren wobbles, putting his right hand over his crutch for support. He wipes the knife on his shirt, smearing blood all over it. He places the knife on top of his dresser. Then he grabs a belt from the closet. </p>
<p>“One day, I’m going to fucking kill you,” he says, voice gruff, whipping the belt against his hand. “And there’s nothing anyone can do it about it.”</p>
<p>“We’ll see about that, Reiner,” he says monotone and threatening at the same time.</p>
<p>“I’ll kill you for what you’ve done to Falco, and Porco.”</p>
<p>“Who?”</p>
<p>Reiner lashes him on the back and Eren bites his tongue. He hits him three more times, each in different spots and it leaves angry welts wherever it lands. He puts the belt back in the closet and Eren starts limping over to his clothes when Reiner puts a foot on it, standing at his full height.  </p>
<p>“You’re gonna have to wait until all that heals before you leave.”</p>
<p>“There’s no getting past you, is there Reiner?” Eren says, ducking his head down.</p>
<p>“No, go sit in the corner.”</p>
<p>“You know I could just jump out the window, right?”</p>
<p>“You’re not gonna fucking try that, that’ll draw attention to you.”</p>
<p>Eren grins, takes his usual spot in the corner, leaning his crutch up against the wall. Reiner towering over him, arms crossed. He’s got his shirt and coat in his hands, watching smoke curl up from Eren’s stomach. In the dark, he can see the wound healing itself. Reiner crouches down, presses a hand to Eren’s abdomen and Eren hisses. He pulls it away, feeling the wet stickiness of the blood. He grunts.</p>
<p>“It’s getting there, I don’t think it’ll stain my shirt.”</p>
<p>“Wait for a couple more minutes.”</p>
<p>Eren slumps over, looking up at Reiner, eyes glazed over like he’s already dead. Reiner squeezes Eren’s shirt and jacket tighter in his hands, balls it into fists. More steam billows out both from Eren’s stomach and his back. </p>
<p>“There,” Eren says with finality. “Happy?”</p>
<p>Reiner touches Eren’s abdomen, and feels dry blood, along with firm muscle. He grabs Eren’s shoulder and tilts him so he can slide his hand behind him, touching the surface of Eren’s bare back and feeling nothing but smooth skin, he nods, satisfied. He drops Eren’s clothes on his lap, turns around. Eren grunts as he’s slipping his shirt back on, buttoning it all up. He manages to get up, leaning on his crutch and puts his arm in the sleeves of his jacket, and Reiner turns around and helps him slip his left hand into the other sleeve. Eren leans his weight on Reiner as he tries to get the crutch outside of the jacket.</p>
<p>“Don’t fucking try that again,” he says as he  trails after Eren towards the door.</p>
<p>“Wouldn’t dream of it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Colt’s a mess when he spots him sitting on the benches in the hall.</p>
<p>He looks absolutely unhinged, Porco and Pieck are hovering over him. Pieck’s better at consoling him, she’s sitting down beside him with a hand on his shoulder. Porco’s standing close to him, he’s not really saying anything. His face looks pinched. </p>
<p>“What are you two doing? Get in the meeting room, I’ll take care of Colt.”</p>
<p>Pieck frowns but doesn’t say anything. Porco pulls her up from the bench, leaving her crutch unattended, slinging one arm over her shoulder. He looks over his own shoulder at Reiner glaring almost as they’re entering the room. Reiner takes a seat next to Colt, he leans back so that his head touches the wall.</p>
<p>“Colt, don’t worry about Falco.”</p>
<p>Colt buries his head in his hands. “That’s easy for you to say,” he says, voice muffled.</p>
<p>“I talked to him yesterday.”</p>
<p>“Oh god, he--he’s in trouble, isn’t he?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” he says, looking up at the lights on the ceiling. “Listen don’t worry, I’ll make sure nothing happens to him, Magath too.”</p>
<p>“That’s not reassuring.”</p>
<p>Reiner grunts. “Come with me after the meeting, I want to show you something.”</p>
<p>He’s practically pulling Colt and dragging him down the road to the hospice. Colt stumbles and walks like he’s just got one leg, instead of his two and he starts to think back to Eren, miraculously keeping himself upright. He shakes his head, Colt tries to pull out of his grip a few times, maybe thinking he’d be able to walk on his own. He stops beside the gates to the hospice.</p>
<p>“Why are we here?” Colt asks.</p>
<p>Reiner puts a finger to his lips and they sneak into the courtyard without any problems. He spots Falco first, both him and Eren are sitting on a bench, further away from everyone else. He pulls Colt into a corner of the building, and nods in the direction of Falco and Eren. Colt looks up and his eyes widen.</p>
<p>“I-is that all he’s doing?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, he struck up a friendship with another soldier.”</p>
<p>His eyes flick from Falco to Eren to Reiner. “I guess, I can understand.”</p>
<p>“We should probably go before the nurses catch us.”</p>
<p>“Right,” Colt says.</p>
<p>He pauses mid step, turns back and stares at Eren, squinting.</p>
<p>“Something wrong?”</p>
<p>Colt shakes his head. “Nothing,” he says. “I just thought he looked familiar, must be a trick of the light.”</p>
<p>“Must be,” Reiner says.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Here's the playlist I promised. For Reiner, I was mostly listening to The Chainsmokers' Sick Boy album and the basis for Reiner's characterization is basically, he got everything he wanted but is completely miserable with it. I chose the the lyrics for Somebody mostly based on Reiner, referencing Annie.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLokhSegg4grQn6NLGMOS_5SADW9-3Dd4g">[LINK] </a>
</p>
<p><strong>Josephine - Ritual</strong><br/> <br/>I knew I had tasted love | The first sip always makes you choke<br/>It was the sweetest sound I ever spoke | So bitter and so beautiful</p>
<p>
  <strong>Somebody - The Chainsmokers</strong>
</p>
<p>In my head I knew better | I won't blame it on my faults again<br/>I know I should forget her | I don't really like anybody<br/>So don't tell me I'm like anybody else</p>
<p>
  <strong>Space for Two - Mr Probz</strong>
</p>
<p>She's the pain and the medicine<br/>The problem and my solution<br/>But she knows I wouldn't have it any other way</p>
<p><strong>The Reaper - The Chainsmokers</strong><br/> <br/>You take what you want<br/>Then you leave when you're done<br/>Pretty face with two sides<br/>So what's it gonna be tonight?</p>
<p>
  <strong>Casual Affair - Panic! At the Disco</strong>
</p>
<p>Break involuntary ties | A secret so the spies<br/>Could never find us out | Stay for as long as you have time<br/>So the mess that we'll become | Leaves something to talk about</p>

<p></p><div>
  <p>
    <strong>Broken Glass - Kygo ft Kim Petras</strong>
  </p>
  <p>Nobody does a tragedy like you and me<br/>'Cause we're ruthless, 'cause we're ruthless, 'cause we're ruthless<br/>And the only thing we had in common with each other<br/>Was destroying everything we ever touched</p>
  <p>
    <strong>Could You Love Me - Kygo ft Dreamlab</strong>
  </p>
  <p>I don't know | I guess I<br/>Just need to love myself a little more<br/>Before I love somebody else</p>
  <p>
    <strong>Wildfire - Mariana's Trench </strong>
  </p>
  <p>Now you want me<br/>But what if your heart's a liar<br/>'Cause if you change your mind again<br/>I'll burn like a wildfire</p>
  <p></p>
  <div>
    <p>
      <strong>Only Us - Kygo ft. Haux</strong>
    </p>
    <p>Stolen tears in the fastback<br/>Telling lies 'til the lungs black<br/>Silhouette, will you ride out<br/>With me?</p>
    <p>
      <strong>Wouldn't Be Love - Ritual </strong>
    </p>
    <p>And we should be together<br/>You could be the madness I like<br/>I ain't any better<br/>Without your medicine up in my mind</p>
    <p>
      <strong>Bottle Tops - Ritual</strong>
    </p>
    <p> This madness makes no sense because you're all I've got<br/>(Promise you'll come home, can we make it?)<br/>Know that I should be right there<br/>(Is my love enough? I'm always waiting)</p>
  </div>
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